What is one thing you can’t live without?

🚿🧼 CLEANLINESS IS NEXT TO GODLINESS… AND I’M TRYING TO GET A FRONT-ROW SEAT IN HEAVEN! 😂🤣🛁

One Thing I Absolutely CANNOT Live Without: MY DAILY SHOWERS! 🚿🧽🫧

Peeps, I have a confession to make. And NO, it’s not about my dating life, my questionable decisions, my spiritual beverages 🍷, or anything I’ve done on a cruise ship! 😂

It’s about something much more serious.

MY SHOWERS!!! 🚿🚿🚿

And I’m not talking about ONE shower a day like some normal, civilized human being.

OH, HEAVENS TO BETSY ROSS! ABSOLUTELY NOT!

I’m talking TWO, sometimes THREE showers a day!

Yes, THREE!

One to wake me up, one because I’ve been out in the world amongst PEOPLE and their GERMS, and one because… WELL, I JUST FEEL LIKE I NEED ANOTHER ONE! 🤣

Some people collect shoes. Some people collect purses. Some people collect husbands.

I COLLECT SHOWER EXPERIENCES! 🚿😂

If showering were an Olympic sport, I’d have more gold medals than Michael Phelps! 🥇

And don’t even get me started on CLEAN CLOTHES!

Because, honey, if an article of clothing comes OFF my body, it’s going STRAIGHT INTO THE WASHING MACHINE!

NO QUESTIONS ASKED!

I don’t care if I wore it for 15 minutes, 15 seconds, or just tried it on and decided it wasn’t giving me the fabulous look I was going for!

IT HAS BEEN ON MY BODY! IT HAS BEEN EXPOSED TO THE ELEMENTS! IT MUST BE WASHED! 😂

My washing machine probably has PTSD.

Every time it hears my footsteps coming down the hallway, it’s probably thinking…

“Oh, sweet baby Jesus! Here she comes AGAIN! Didn’t we JUST wash that shirt?!”

And my dryer? That poor thing probably needs a therapist and a two-week vacation in the Bahamas! 🏝️

Now, here’s where things get a little more interesting.

I am one of those people who has OCD tendencies when it comes to cleanliness and organization.

I like things CLEAN.

I like things ORGANIZED.

I like things IN THEIR PLACE.

And when I say their place, I mean THEIR EXACT DESIGNATED LOCATION!

Not two inches to the left.

Not three inches to the right.

RIGHT. WHERE. THEY. BELONG! 😂

If I walk into a room and something has been moved, my internal security alarm starts going off!

🚨🚨🚨

WHO MOVED THAT?!

WHY WAS IT MOVED?!

WHO AUTHORIZED THIS RELOCATION?!

DO WE NEED TO REVIEW THE SECURITY CAMERAS?!

Because apparently, in my world, moving a decorative candle without permission is a federal offense! 🤣

Now, my family can testify to ALL OF THIS!

Bless their hearts!

I’m sure I’ve driven them absolutely BONKERS over the years with my cleaning, washing, organizing, straightening, rearranging, and disinfecting!

They probably see me coming with a cleaning cloth and think…

“Everybody FREEZE! Don’t touch anything! She’s on another cleaning mission!” 😂

And don’t even THINK about putting something back in the wrong place!

I’ll know.

I ALWAYS KNOW.

I might not remember where I put my car keys, my phone, or what day of the week it is, but I can tell you EXACTLY which way that throw pillow was facing at 8:47 this morning!

PRIORITIES, PEOPLE! PRIORITIES! 🤣

And DIRTY?!

OH, LORD HAVE MERCY!

I CANNOT STAND DIRTY!

I don’t like dirty clothes, dirty bathrooms, dirty kitchens, dirty floors, dirty sheets, or dirty ANYTHING!

And if YOU are dirty?!

Well, bless your heart, but we might have to love each other from a VERY LONG DISTANCE! 😂

I’m talking six feet apart, preferably with a bottle of Lysol between us!

There’s soap! There’s water! There’s deodorant! There’s a whole aisle at Walmart dedicated to helping you get yourself together!

PLEASE TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THESE MODERN-DAY MIRACLES! 🤣🧼

Now, before anybody gets their panties in a wad, I’m not saying you have to live in a sterile operating room like I apparently want to.

I’m just saying if you come to my house, don’t be surprised if I’m following behind you fluffing pillows, wiping countertops, and mentally calculating how long it’s going to take me to clean up after you leave! 😂

I’M KIDDING!

Well… sort of. 🤷‍♀️

And you know what’s funny?

I really don’t know WHERE I inherited all this cleanliness craziness from!

EXCEPT…

MY GRANDMOTHER!

OH, THAT WOMAN!

She liked everything CLEAN and in its place, too!

And I stayed with her a LOT growing up, so apparently, while other grandmothers were passing down secret biscuit recipes and family heirlooms, mine was passing down an invisible bottle of disinfectant and a lifetime membership to the Clean Freak Club! 😂

Other little girls were learning how to bake cookies.

I was apparently being trained for the FBI’s Crime Scene Cleaning Division!

“Now, honey, you see that little speck of dust over there?”

“Yes, ma’am!”

“WELL, GET IT!” 🤣

I guess she rubbed off on me more than I ever realized.

And I love that because every time I start cleaning something that’s already clean, I can just blame my grandmother!

IT’S HER FAULT! I’M JUST CONTINUING THE FAMILY LEGACY! 😂❤️

And let me tell y’all something else.

I LOVE getting into a freshly made bed with CLEAN SHEETS after taking a HOT SHOWER!

OH. MY. GOODNESS.

THAT IS HEAVEN ON EARTH!

Forget diamonds!

Forget fancy dinners!

Forget romantic candlelight!

Give me freshly washed sheets, a hot shower, clean pajamas, and a bedroom that smells like somebody just opened a laundry detergent factory!

THAT’S MY LOVE LANGUAGE! 🥰🫧

Now, I do love my wine, my travels, my shoes, my family, my friends, and a whole lot of other things.

But if you told me I had to go three days without showering?!

THREE DAYS?!

PEOPLE, I WOULD NEED MEDICAL ATTENTION!

Somebody call 911, FEMA, the National Guard, and possibly the United States Navy!

Because we have ourselves a NATIONAL EMERGENCY! 🚨🤣

And camping?!

Don’t even get me started!

If there’s no hot water, clean bathroom, functioning shower, and electricity, then THAT IS NOT A VACATION!

THAT IS A SURVIVAL DOCUMENTARY, AND I DID NOT AUDITION FOR THE ROLE! 😂

So, there you have it!

One thing I absolutely CANNOT live without is my daily showers!

Two or three, preferably!

And yes, I realize I might be a little excessive.

Yes, I realize my family probably thinks I’m crazy.

And YES, I realize my washing machine is probably planning to file for early retirement!

But you know what?!

I’M CLEAN, MY CLOTHES ARE CLEAN, MY HOUSE IS CLEAN, AND MY GRANDMOTHER WOULD BE PROUD! ❤️

Life is messy enough without having to actually BE messy!

And if cleanliness is next to godliness, honey…

I’M SO CLEAN THAT ST. PETER IS PROBABLY WAITING AT THE PEARLY GATES WITH A FRESHLY LAUNDERED ROBE, A BOTTLE OF DAWN, AND A SIGN THAT SAYS…

“WELCOME HOME, GIRL! WE ALREADY SANITIZED YOUR CLOUD!” ☁️🤣🚿

Now, if y’all will excuse me…

I think it’s time for another shower!

I mean, I DID just sit here writing this whole story, and I feel like I’ve been exposed to something! 🤣🤣🤣

CLEAN. CLEAN. CLEAN. THAT’S JUST HOW I ROLL! 🧼🫧🚿

P.S. If you come visit me, please don’t sit on my freshly made bed wearing your outside clothes. We can be friends, but there ARE BOUNDARIES! 😂

#CleanFreakChronicles #ShowerQueen #OCDTendencies #CleanCleanClean #GrandmasLegacy #HeavensToBetsyRoss #LifeWithCiCi #LaughWithMe #FreshSheetsAndFunnyStories #CantLiveWithoutIt