🍹🍸 THE GREAT FREEDOM OF THE SEAS SPIRITS EXPERIMENT! 🏴‍☠️🚢

10 Days, One Casino Drink Menu, Two Determined Women, and Enough Heartburn to Launch a Distress Signal! 🚨😂

Well, well, WELL!!! Where do I even begin with this little scientific experiment that Denise and I decided to conduct aboard Royal Caribbean’s Freedom of the Seas?!

First of all, let me clarify something.

WE WERE NOT JUST DRINKING. WE WERE CONDUCTING RESEARCH!!! 🧪🍹

Very important research, I might add!

The kind of research that requires dedication, commitment, perseverance, a strong stomach, a SeaPass card, and apparently a lifetime supply of TUMS!!! 😂

You see, Denise and I decided that during our 10-day cruise, we were going to start at the TOP of the casino’s spirits menu and work our way ALL THE WAY TO THE BOTTOM!!!

Every. Single. Drink.

Now, before anybody starts judging us, let me explain that we were on VACATION!!! We had absolutely nowhere to be, no laundry to wash, no dishes to clean, no alarm clocks to answer, and NO RESPONSIBILITIES other than showing up for dinner and making sure we didn’t get left on an island!

AND WE COMPLETED OUR MISSION!!! 🏆🍸

Somewhere along the way, our little experiment expanded to other bars on the ship because apparently we were overachievers in the field of alcoholic beverage research!

Heavens to Betsy Ross! Somebody call Harvard and tell them we’ve got two new professors of SPIRITOLOGY!!! 😂

🍹 THE CASINO BARTENDERS KNEW TOO MUCH!

Now, here’s where things start getting downright hilarious!

The bartenders KNEW about our little experiment!

Oh, YES THEY DID!!!

And they weren’t just aware of it. THEY WERE PARTICIPATING IN THE MADNESS!!!

Even the sweet guys walking around the casino bringing drinks to people at the slot machines knew what we were doing!

I’m talking about several different bartenders and servers, and it didn’t matter WHERE we were sitting in that casino!

We could be on one side of the casino, hiding behind a slot machine, minding our own business, trying to win back the money we’d just donated to Royal Caribbean, and here they’d come!

“Hello, ladies! What are we drinking next?”

WELL, HELLO THERE, MR. SPIRITS RESEARCH ASSISTANT!!! 😂

These people knew our NAMES!

They knew our ROOM NUMBERS!

They knew our FAVORITE DRINKS!

AND THEY KNEW EXACTLY WHERE WE WERE ON THAT DANG DRINK MENU!!!

I’m surprised they didn’t have a spreadsheet behind the bar titled:

“DENISE & ALABAMA: THE GREAT CASINO COCKTAIL EXPERIMENT — DO NOT LET THESE WOMEN SKIP A DRINK!” 🍹📋

I mean, FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE!!!

We couldn’t even sneak around the casino anonymously!

We were practically celebrities!

Not the kind with red carpets, paparazzi, and bodyguards.

NOOOOO!!!

The kind with a SeaPass card, a cocktail menu, and a bartender who already knows your cabin number!

And let me tell you something else. Those bartenders and servers were ABSOLUTELY WONDERFUL!!!

Sweet, funny, friendly, patient, and always smiling!

Of course, I tipped them EVERY SINGLE TIME they brought me a drink.

So maybe, JUST MAYBE, that had a little something to do with their excellent memory! 😂💵

At this point, they probably knew my room number better than I did!

Which honestly wasn’t a bad thing because after wandering around that ship trying to remember which elevator went where, I could’ve used somebody to point me toward my cabin!

🔥 WELCOME TO THE CASINO… ALSO KNOWN AS THE SEVENTH LEVEL OF HELL!

Now, can we discuss something that has been bothering me since the FIRST DAY?!

WHY IN THE NAME OF ALL THINGS HOLY WAS THAT CASINO SO FREAKIN HOT?!?! 🥵🔥

I’m not talking about a little warm.

I’m talking about SATAN’S LIVING ROOM HOT!!!

I’m talking about opening the oven to check on a Thanksgiving turkey and sticking your entire head inside HOT!!!

I’m talking about walking across the Sahara Desert wearing a fur coat while carrying a space heater HOT!!!

WHAT THE CRAPIOLLA?!?!?!

And don’t even get me started on the CIGARETTE SMOKE!!!

Lord have mercy!!!

I felt like I was sitting inside a giant ashtray that somebody had set on fire!

The smoke was engulfing my nose, my hair, my clothes, my eyeballs, my ENTIRE BODY!!!

I was beginning to wonder if I needed to stop wearing perfume because I was already marinating in Eau de Marlboro!

At one point, I thought:

“I’M ABOUT TO COMBUST INTO FLAMES RIGHT HERE BESIDE THIS SLOT MACHINE!!!” 🚒🔥

CALL 911!!!

CALL THE CAPTAIN!!!

CALL THE FREEDOM OF THE SEAS FIRE DEPARTMENT!!!

SOMEBODY GET A HOSE!!!

And while we’re at it…

ARE THE SHIP’S FIREFIGHTERS AS GOOD-LOOKING AS THE ONES BACK HOME IN AMERICA?! 🇺🇸👨‍🚒😂

I’m just asking for scientific purposes!

You know, continuing the research!

If somebody’s got to rescue me from this floating furnace, I would at least appreciate a handsome firefighter showing up with a cold towel and maybe a little oxygen!

Preferably with a six-pack!

And I’m not talking about beer!!! 😂

❄️ CAN I ORDER A SIDE OF AIR CONDITIONING WITH MY COCKTAIL?!

Seriously, Royal Caribbean!

We’ve got bartenders bringing drinks to the slot machines, but can somebody PLEASE bring us some AIR CONDITIONING?!

“Yes, ma’am, what can I get you?”

“Well, I’ll have the next cocktail on our research list, a bucket of ice, three oscillating fans, and about 42 degrees of air conditioning, PLEASE!”

And maybe a portable oxygen tank while you’re at it!

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!

Now, I have a theory.

And y’all know how I love a good theory!

I THINK THEY KEEP THE CASINO HOT ON PURPOSE SO WE’LL BUY MORE DRINKS!!!

Think about it!

You’re hot.

You’re thirsty.

You’re sitting in front of a machine that’s eating your money faster than a hungry teenager eats pizza.

And here comes a sweet bartender carrying a cold, beautiful cocktail!

WELL, OF COURSE I’LL HAVE ANOTHER ONE!!!

It’s practically SURVIVAL!!!

I’m not saying there’s a conspiracy here, but somebody needs to investigate the thermostat situation!

And don’t even get me started on whether it’s the ship’s temperature or my HORMONES!!!

Because at almost 55 years old, I’m not exactly sure which one is trying to kill me!

Is it a hot flash?!

Is it the casino?!

Is it the cigarette smoke?!

IS IT THE RUM?!

I DON’T KNOW!!!

But somebody turn the dang air conditioning down before I start stripping off layers of clothing in front of the slot machines!

Nobody needs that kind of entertainment! 😂🥵

💊 HEARTBURN CITY! POPULATION: DENISE AND ME!

Now, let’s talk about the OTHER little souvenir we brought home from this experiment.

HEARTBURN!!!

OH. MY. GOODNESS!!!

My esophagus was filing complaints with upper management!

My stomach was threatening to resign!

My digestive system was waving a white flag!

And my body was screaming:

“WOMAN!!! WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING TO ME?!?!?!”

I mean, we’ve had rum, vodka, tequila, whiskey, fruity concoctions, spicy concoctions, and drinks with ingredients I couldn’t even pronounce!

And let’s not forget the famous PAINKILLER!!!

Which, with its Pusser’s Navy Rum, created a whole new level of comedy because apparently NONE OF US could act like mature adults when saying that name! 😂

I don’t know who named that rum, but they obviously never imagined a group of Alabama and Georgia people ordering it after a few cocktails!

And the irony of calling something a PAINKILLER when my stomach was experiencing its own personal volcanic eruption?!

GOOD GRIEF!!!

I needed a drink called THE HEARTBURN HEALER!!!

Or THE ESOPHAGUS EXTINGUISHER!!!

Or perhaps THE LORD HAVE MERCY, MY STOMACH HATES ME!!!

At this point, I wasn’t sure if I needed an antacid, a gastroenterologist, or an exorcism!

Maybe all THREE!!!

🏴‍☠️ PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: THE ALABAMA EDITION!

Somewhere around the middle of our experiment, I started feeling like we weren’t even on Freedom of the Seas anymore.

NOPE!!!

We were aboard the BLACK PEARL with Captain Jack Sparrow!

“WHY IS THE RUM ALWAYS GONE?!” 🏴‍☠️🍹

Well, Captain Jack, I CAN TELL YOU WHY!!!

Because Denise and I have been conducting scientific research in the casino for the past several days!!!

And the rum isn’t gone!

IT’S ON THE NEXT PAGE OF OUR DRINK MENU!!!

KEEP IT COMING, MATES!!!

YO HO HO AND A BOTTLE OF RUM!!!

Except instead of fighting pirates, we were fighting slot machines.

Instead of searching for buried treasure, we were searching for a machine that would actually PAY US!

And instead of walking the plank, we were trying to walk through a cloud of cigarette smoke without losing consciousness!

ARRRGHHH!!! 🏴‍☠️😂

Somebody bring me my pirate hat, a cold cocktail, and a portable air conditioner!

And if Johnny Depp happens to be on this ship, SEND HIM OVER!!!

I’ve got some questions about the rum!

🏆 THE FINAL RESULTS OF OUR VERY IMPORTANT SCIENTIFIC STUDY!

After 10 glorious days aboard Freedom of the Seas, I am proud to announce…

WE FINISHED THE ENTIRE CASINO DRINK MENU!!! 🍹🍸🥂🏆

YES, PEOPLE!!!

EVERY. SINGLE. ONE!!!

Was it necessary?

ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Was it educational?

WELL, WE LEARNED A LOT!!!

Did our stomachs appreciate it?

NOT ONE FREAKIN BIT!!!

Did the bartenders enjoy watching our little experiment unfold?

I certainly hope so, because they were some of the sweetest, funniest, most wonderful people on that ship!

And I truly appreciate every single one of them for playing along, remembering us, laughing with us, and taking such good care of us!

They deserved EVERY TIP and probably a little bonus for putting up with our nonsense!

Now, if somebody from Royal Caribbean’s corporate office is reading this, I’d like to make a few suggestions for future casino improvements.

FIRST: TURN ON THE AIR CONDITIONING!!!

SECOND: CAN WE PLEASE GET SOME FRESH AIR?!

THIRD: CONSIDER ADDING TUMS TO THE COCKTAIL MENU!

And FOURTH: Perhaps create an official CASINO SPIRITS CHALLENGE CERTIFICATE for people like Denise and me who successfully complete the entire menu!

I’d like mine framed, laminated, and delivered to my cabin with a cold pineapple mimosa, PLEASE!

After all, we’ve EARNED IT!!! 😂

😂 AND THE MORAL OF THIS LITTLE ADVENTURE?

Life is short!

Take the cruise!

Order the cocktail!

Laugh with your friends!

Tip your bartenders!

Make friends with the people who make your vacation special!

And for Heaven’s sake, if you’re going to conduct a 10-day spirits experiment, you might want to pack some antacids and a personal fan!!!

Because sometimes the best memories aren’t made at the ports, on the beaches, or during the fancy dinners.

Sometimes they’re made sitting beside your friend in a smoky, hotter-than-Hades casino, laughing so hard you can’t breathe, while a bartender walks up and says…

“LADIES! READY FOR THE NEXT ONE?!” 🍹😂

And somewhere deep inside, your stomach whispers…

“Please, God… NOOOOO!!!”

But your vacation brain says…

“ARRRGHHH, MATEY!!! KEEP THE RUM A-COMING!!!” 🏴‍☠️🍹🚢

Because as my new sweatshirt so perfectly says…

“BAD MISTAKES MAKE GREAT MEMORIES!”

And Heaven’s to Betsy Ross, do we have some MEMORIES!!! 😂❤️

P.S. If anybody needs a professional casino cocktail menu consultant, Denise and I are now accepting applications. We have extensive hands-on experience, excellent bartender references, and absolutely NO desire to discuss the condition of our digestive systems!

CHEERS FROM ALABAMA!!! 🥂🤣

#FreedomOfTheSeas #RoyalCaribbean #CasinoChronicles #SpiritsExperiment #CruiseLife #GirlsJustWannaHaveRum #BadMistakesMakeGreatMemories #AlabamaAdventures #CruiseComedy #HeavensToBetsyRoss