🇧🇸 NASSAU, BAHAMAS: STRAW MARKETS, PROFESSIONAL HAGGLERS & THE MAN WITH THE MICROPHONE! 🎤🤣🍹

The Freedom of the Seas Adventures Continue… Lord Have Mercy on the Bahamians!

Well, well, WELL!!! Y’all thought I was finished telling stories about our Royal Caribbean Freedom of the Seas adventure?! 😂🤣

OH, HEAVENS TO BETSY ROSS AND CHARLIE BROWN!!! We haven’t even scratched the surface of this floating circus we call a FAMILY VACATION!!! 🚢🤣

So, let’s rewind this little adventure back to our SECOND DAY aboard the Freedom of the Seas, when we pulled into the absolutely GORGEOUS island of Nassau, Bahamas! 🇧🇸🌴☀️

Now, let me paint this beautiful little tropical picture for you.

The wind was blowing, the sun was shining, and the ocean was the most magnificent, crystal-clear, azure-blue color you’ve ever laid your eyeballs on! I mean, GOOD GRACIOUS!!! It looked like somebody had poured 8,574,329 bottles of blue food coloring into the Atlantic Ocean!

We could even see the magnificent Atlantis resort from where our ship was docked!

PARADISE, PEOPLE!!! ABSOLUTE PARADISE!!! 💙

Now, out of our entire traveling circus of Alabama and Georgia folks, only THREE brave little souls decided to venture off the ship that morning.

Dad, Ricky, and yours truly!

That’s right! Just the three of us!

The rest of our traveling companions apparently decided they had already experienced enough international excitement and would rather stay aboard the floating buffet and beverage establishment. 😂

But NOT US!!!

We had places to go, people to see, souvenirs to purchase, and most importantly…

COCKTAILS TO LOCATE!!! 🍹🤣

🛍️ WELCOME TO THE STRAW MARKET… MAY THE ODDS BE EVER IN YOUR FAVOR!!!

So, off we went, walking through beautiful Nassau toward one of the biggest, busiest, most famous straw markets in the Bahamas!

Now, if you’ve never experienced a Bahamian straw market, let me explain something to you.

THIS IS NOT YOUR AVERAGE SHOPPING EXPERIENCE!!!

Ohhhhh, NOOOOO!!!

This is like walking into a combination of a flea market, a live auction, a used-car dealership, and a competitive sporting event where EVERY SINGLE PERSON is trying to get your attention AT THE SAME FREAKIN’ TIME!!! 🤣

“HEY, PRETTY LADY!!!”

“COME LOOK AT MY STUFF!!!”

“SPECIAL PRICE FOR YOU!!!”

“WHAT YOU LOOKING FOR, BEAUTIFUL?!”

“COME HERE, SWEETHEART!!!”

GOOD LORD ALMIGHTY!!!

I had approximately 47,586 people trying to sell me something before I had even made it 15 feet into the place!!!

I was getting HAGGLED, HUSTLED, HOLLERED AT, AND PRACTICALLY RECRUITED INTO EVERY SINGLE BOOTH!!!

I thought I was going to have to hire a personal bodyguard just to purchase a freakin’ BALL CAP!!! 🧢🤣

And y’all know me.

I LOVE PEOPLE!!!

I can talk to a complete stranger for 45 minutes and leave knowing their children’s names, their dog’s birthday, and what they ate for breakfast!

BUT NOT TODAY, SATAN!!! 😂

I WAS ON A MISSION!!!

MISSION NASSAU:

• ONE BALL CAP! 🧢
• ONE T-SHIRT! 👕
• ONE HOODIE!
• AND ONE VERY WELL-DESERVED BAHAMIAN ADULT BEVERAGE!!! 🍹

THAT WAS IT!!!

I did not need a wooden turtle, 17 bracelets, a carved elephant, a refrigerator magnet, a handmade purse, or somebody’s cousin’s special souvenir collection!!!

I JUST WANTED MY THREE LITTLE ITEMS!!!

At one point, I seriously considered pretending I couldn’t hear or see anybody!

I was about to channel my inner Helen Keller and act like I had absolutely NO IDEA anybody was talking to me!!!

Now, I know good and well Helen Keller would have probably navigated that market with more grace and dignity than I did, but GOOD HEAVENS!!!

I was desperate!!! 🤣

I just kept walking!

Eyes forward!

No eye contact!

No smiling!

No stopping!

NO ENGAGING THE ENEMY!!!

I was walking through that market like a Secret Service agent escorting the president through a security threat!

“KEEP MOVING! KEEP MOVING! DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT! WE HAVE A HOODIE TO LOCATE!” 🚨🤣

Dad and Ricky were probably wondering if I had suddenly developed some kind of antisocial personality disorder!

NOPE!!!

JUST TRYING TO SURVIVE THE NASSAU STRAW MARKET WITHOUT BUYING THE ENTIRE ISLAND!!! 😂

And FINALLY…

HALLELUJAH!!!

MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!

Ball cap? CHECK! ✅

T-shirt? CHECK! ✅

Hoodie? CHECK! ✅

Now, let’s get the heck out of here before somebody tries to sell me a timeshare, a coconut, or an actual straw hut!!! 🤣

🎤 AND THEN… THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE MICROPHONE LEGEND!!!

Y’ALL!!!

JUST WHEN I THOUGHT THE ENTERTAINMENT WAS OVER…

IT GOT BETTER!!!

We finally escaped the crowded straw market and stepped back out into the streets of Nassau.

And what did my little ears hear?!

A MAN WITH A MICROPHONE!!! 🎤

Not just ANY man with a microphone!

This Bahamian gentleman was standing ACROSS THE STREET from the straw market, microphone in hand, hollering at EVERYBODY to come shop at HIS STORE!!!

I ABOUT LOST IT!!! 🤣🤣🤣

Now, let me explain why this was so freakin’ funny!

Here we had just survived the Olympic Games of Aggressive Souvenir Shopping, where every vendor was trying to get us into their little booths…

AND THIS MAN HAD TAKEN HIS MARKETING STRATEGY TO AN ENTIRELY DIFFERENT LEVEL!!!

HE BROUGHT AMPLIFICATION!!!

HE BROUGHT TECHNOLOGY!!!

HE BROUGHT A MICROPHONE TO A STRAW MARKET FIGHT!!!

GENIUS, PEOPLE!!! ABSOLUTE GENIUS!!! 🎤😂

He was basically standing over there announcing to the entire island…

“Y’ALL GET YO ASSES OUT OF THAT STRAW MARKET AND COME SPEND YOUR MONEY OVER HERE IN MY STORE!!!”

Now, those weren’t necessarily his exact words, but THAT WAS THE ENERGY HE WAS GIVING!!! 🤣🤣🤣

I mean, the AUDACITY!!!

The CONFIDENCE!!!

THE PURE MARKETING BRILLIANCE!!!

He was literally advertising HIS business directly into the competition’s front door!!!

I was so impressed I wanted to nominate him for the Bahamian Chamber of Commerce MARKETING GENIUS OF THE YEAR AWARD!!! 🏆🤣

And you know what?!

I WAS PROUD OF HIM!!!

This man wasn’t waiting for customers to find him!

OH, NO!!!

HE WAS GOING TO FIND THEM!!!

If you couldn’t hear him, you might need your hearing checked because this man was practically broadcasting to the entire Caribbean!!!

I wouldn’t have been surprised if people over at Atlantis could hear him hollering!

“COME TO MY STORE!!!”

I bet the dolphins were swimming around going, “WHO IN THE HECK IS THAT MAN WITH THE MICROPHONE?!” 🐬🤣

📸 AND YOU KNOW I HAVE VIDEO RECEIPTS!!!

Now, y’all KNOW ME!!!

If something funny is happening, I AM GOING TO DOCUMENT IT!!!

I have picture receipts!

I have video receipts!

I have enough documentation from our cruise to produce a 12-part Netflix documentary entitled…

“THE TURNERS TAKE THE CARIBBEAN: NO FILTER, NO SUPERVISION, AND POSSIBLY NO COMMON SENSE!” 🤣🎬

So, naturally, I pulled out my phone and started recording this microphone-wielding marketing superstar!

AND Y’ALL…

HE NOTICED ME RECORDING!!!

OH, DID HE EVER!!!

This man went from local business owner to INTERNATIONAL CELEBRITY IN APPROXIMATELY 2.5 SECONDS!!! 🤣

He saw that camera and suddenly decided this was HIS MOMENT!!!

HIS BIG BREAK!!!

HIS SHOT AT FAME AND FORTUNE!!!

He started hyping it up EVEN MORE!!!

I was laughing so hard I could barely hold my phone straight!!!

I could just imagine him thinking…

“OH, YES!!! I’M ABOUT TO GO VIRAL!!! HOLLYWOOD, HERE I COME!!!” 🎤🤣

And let me tell you something…

HE DESERVED AN OSCAR!!!

A GRAMMY!!!

A TONY!!!

A GOLDEN GLOBE!!!

AND A LIFETIME SUPPLY OF MICROPHONE BATTERIES!!!

Because this man was PUTTING ON A SHOW!!! 😂

As Dad, Ricky, and I walked past him, I was still recording and giggling like a little schoolgirl!

And this wonderful man even gave me some KNUCKLES!!! 👊

YES, PEOPLE!!!

A FIST BUMP!!!

RIGHT THERE IN THE STREETS OF NASSAU!!!

We had ourselves a little international celebrity encounter!

He was the star!

I was the paparazzi!

Dad and Ricky were probably just trying to figure out where in the world we were going next!!! 🤣

I HOPE WE MADE HIS DAY!!!

Because he sure as heck made MINE!!!

And if that man ever becomes famous, I WANT EVERYBODY TO KNOW…

I HAVE THE ORIGINAL VIDEO RECEIPTS!!! 📸🎤🤣

🍹 FINALLY… THE MOST IMPORTANT STOP OF THE DAY!!!

After surviving the straw market, witnessing the greatest marketing campaign in Bahamian history, and wandering through a few more shops, we decided it was time for a little REST AND RELAXATION!

And by rest and relaxation, I mean…

FIND US A WATERING HOLE WITH SOME ADULT BEVERAGES!!!

Because after all that walking, shopping, dodging sales pitches, and laughing, my little body needed some refreshments!!!

And what did we find?!

SPICY BLOODY MARYS!!! 🌶️🍹

OH, SWEET BABY JESUS!!!

PERFECTO, PEOPLE!!!

Now THAT is what I call a successful island excursion!!!

We had shopped!

We had walked!

We had laughed!

We had supported the local economy!

We had practically attended a live marketing seminar!

AND NOW WE WERE SUPPORTING THE LOCAL BEVERAGE INDUSTRY!!!

WE ARE SUCH GENEROUS TOURISTS!!! 🤣🤣🤣

I mean, really, what more could the Bahamas ask of us?!

We were practically doing community service!

Just with souvenirs and cocktails involved!!! 😂

And let me tell you, after that straw market experience, those spicy Bloody Marys weren’t just beverages…

THEY WERE THERAPY IN A GLASS!!! 🌶️🤣

🇧🇸 THE MORAL OF THIS LITTLE BAHAMIAN ADVENTURE…

Never underestimate three people from Alabama wandering around Nassau with absolutely no agenda other than shopping, laughing, and finding a good drink!

And NEVER underestimate a man with a microphone and a dream!!!

Because while everybody else was standing inside the straw market trying to get customers to come to them…

THIS MAN WAS OUTSIDE BROADCASTING HIS WAY TO SUCCESS!!!

And I RESPECT THAT KIND OF HUSTLE!!!

So, here’s to the beautiful island of Nassau, the crystal-blue ocean, the brave straw market vendors, our hilarious microphone superstar, and those delicious spicy Bloody Marys!!!

HIGH FIVES AND KNUCKLES TO ALL OF YOU!!! 👊🤣

And to Dad and Ricky…

Thank you for surviving another one of my little adventures!

I’m sure y’all thought we were just getting off the ship to buy a few souvenirs.

LITTLE DID YOU KNOW WE WERE GOING TO ENCOUNTER THE BAHAMIAN VERSION OF A LIVE INFOMERCIAL!!! 😂🎤

One thing is for certain…

THERE IS NEVER, EVER A DULL MOMENT WHEN THE TURNER CREW GOES ON VACATION!!!

And YES, I have the receipts to prove it!!!

Remember, folks…

BAD MISTAKES MAKE GREAT MEMORIES… AND APPARENTLY SO DO STRAW MARKETS, MICROPHONES, AND SPICY BLOODY MARYS!!! 🤣🍹

Until the next adventure…

CARPE DIEM, MY FRIENDS!!! 🌴☀️🇧🇸

P.S. If anybody knows the microphone man in Nassau, PLEASE tell him his Alabama fan club says HELLO!!! And tell him to KEEP THAT MICROPHONE CHARGED!!! 🎤🤣

Because you never know when some crazy woman from Alabama is going to walk by with her phone recording and turn you into an international superstar!!!

HEAVENS TO BETSY ROSS!!! WHAT A DAY!!! 😂🤣🍹