🚨🇨🇼 THE GREAT CURAÇAO GOLF CART SHOWDOWN: JANETO, DR. EVIL & THE ITALIAN MOB! 🇮🇹🛺🤣

Two Evil Eyes, One Golf Cart, a Bunch of Italians & One Daughter Who Was NOT About to Become a Missing Person!

Y’all. Y’ALLLLLL!!! 🤣🤣🤣

I swear on my pineapple mimosa, we CANNOT go anywhere without some kind of international incident occurring! And this particular day in Curaçao, I was pretty sure we were about to make the evening news in at least THREE different countries!

BREAKING NEWS: SOUTHERN ALABAMA FAMILY INVOLVED IN INTERNATIONAL GOLF CART STANDOFF WITH ITALIAN TOURISTS! PORT POLICIA ON HIGH ALERT! 🚨🇮🇹🇺🇸

Heavens to Betsy Ross, Charlie Brown, the Pope, and every saint in the Vatican!!! Somebody get me a drink! 🍹

Now, let me set the stage for this latest episode of The Turner Traveling Circus: International Waters Edition! 🎪🚢

Like EVERY morning aboard Royal Caribbean’s Freedom of the Seas, we all get up and head to the dining room for our FIRST meal of the day.

And I emphasize FIRST because when you’re on a cruise, apparently your stomach becomes a bottomless pit that requires feeding every 47 minutes.

We eat breakfast. Then we think about lunch. Then we discuss what we’re having for dinner. Then we need a snack because all that discussing made us hungry.

It’s exhausting being on vacation, people!!! 😂

And naturally, breakfast begins with my beautiful, cold, glistening PINEAPPLE MIMOSA! 🥂🍍

Now, before anybody starts judging my breakfast choices, let me explain something.

Pineapple is a FRUIT.

Fruit is HEALTHY.

Therefore, pineapple juice mixed with champagne is practically a wellness program.

I’m getting my vitamins, antioxidants, and emotional support all in one glass!

It’s basically a tropical multivitamin with bubbles!

Don’t argue with me. I’ve done the research. Well, not really, but it sounds legitimate! 🤣

ANYWHO!!!

After we’ve eaten enough breakfast to sustain a small village, it’s time to gather our belongings and prepare to explore the beautiful island of Curaçao.

Passports? Check!

Sunglasses? Check!

Money? Check!

Phones for photographic evidence? ABSOLUTELY!

Family members? Well, we THINK we have everybody.

Our main objective is simple.

GET OFF THE SHIP, ENJOY THE ISLAND, AND MAKE SURE EVERYBODY GETS BACK BEFORE THE SHIP LEAVES!

You would THINK this would be relatively easy.

BUT NOOOOOOO!

First, we have to locate the gangway.

Now, why in the name of all things holy does it take us approximately 58,642,588 floors to find the correct floor to get OFF this floating city?!

Up the elevator.

Down the elevator.

Turn left.

Turn right.

Wrong floor.

Back in the elevator.

Somebody says, “I think it’s this way!”

WELL, OBVIOUSLY YOU DON’T KNOW EITHER, SHERLOCK!!! 🤣

There are even little ARROWS pointing us in the correct direction!

ARROWS, PEOPLE!!!

And somehow, we STILL manage to wander around like we’re participating in a scavenger hunt designed by a drunk pirate! 🏴‍☠️

Now, some might suggest that the morning mimosas have something to do with our navigation skills.

I would like to respectfully decline to comment on that accusation.

My mimosa has NEVER led me astray.

Well… maybe once.

Or twice.

Or that time I got lost in the Windjammer and nearly had to put myself on an AMBER ALERT.

BUT WE ARE NOT DISCUSSING THAT TODAY! 😂

🇨🇼 WELCOME TO CURAÇAO… NOW WHERE’S THE DANG BRIDGE?!

We FINALLY make it off the ship!

HALLELUJAH! PRAISE THE NAVIGATION GODS!

Now, Curaçao is absolutely BEAUTIFUL!

Those gorgeous, brightly colored buildings across the water look like somebody dumped a giant box of Crayola crayons all over the waterfront!

And there’s that famous floating bridge that MOVES!

I love that bridge!

I want to get to that bridge!

I want to walk across that bridge!

I want to take approximately 7,000 pictures of those pretty buildings!

BUT THERE’S A PROBLEM.

Our ship is parked farther down the port than usual.

And when I say farther, I mean approximately 58,954 MILES FROM CIVILIZATION!

Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating a LITTLE.

But I’m looking across the port thinking we need to rent camels, pack survival gear, and contact National Geographic because this is about to become an expedition!

And we’ve got some folks in our group whose walking equipment isn’t operating at full capacity anymore.

The knees are questionable.

The hips are negotiating.

The feet are filing complaints.

And some of us are just trying to figure out where the nearest BAR is located!

Then, like a beautiful Caribbean MIRACLE, we see it.

A GOLF CART!!! 🛺

Not just any golf cart.

A BIG, LONG GOLF CART!

And this sweet little island gentleman is driving people back and forth from the ship toward the beautiful bridge!

A FREE RIDE TO CIVILIZATION!

PRAISE THE GOLF CART GODS!!!

Except…

EVERYBODY WANTS ON THIS GOLF CART.

EVERYBODY!!!

And that’s when my Scorpio sixth sense started going off like a meteor shooting across the night sky! ☄️

Something was about to happen.

I could FEEL it.

My intuition was screaming.

GIRL, YOU BETTER GET YOURSELF OUT OF THIS SITUATION BEFORE YOU END UP ON AN INTERNATIONAL WANTED POSTER!

🇮🇹 ENTER THE ITALIANS… AND THE SOUTHERN ALABAMA STARE-DOWN! 😈

Now, approaching this same golf cart is a group of older Italian tourists.

And let me tell y’all something.

THESE PEOPLE WERE EXPRESSIVE!

Their hands were flying!

Their voices were LOUD!

They were talking with their hands, their arms, their shoulders, their eyebrows, and probably their TOES!

I couldn’t understand a WORD they were saying, but I understood the BODY LANGUAGE!

And listen, we’re from Alabama.

WE KNOW LOUD!

We practically invented talking across three rooms without using a telephone!

So, I wasn’t judging.

I was actually impressed!

UNTIL…

I noticed JANETO.

Ohhhhh, sweet baby Jesus.

HERE WE GO!!! 🙄

My mother, Janeto, and one particular Italian gentleman were approaching that golf cart like two people trying to claim the LAST SEAT on Space Mountain at Disney World!

Neither one was backing down.

Neither one was giving an inch.

And BOTH of them had that LOOK.

You know THE LOOK.

The look that says…

“I WAS HERE FIRST, AND I WILL BE GETTING ON THIS GOLF CART IF IT’S THE LAST THING I DO!”

Now, I know my mother.

I KNOW THAT LOOK.

I’ve seen that look for 54 years!

That look means somebody is about to get a good old-fashioned Southern Alabama lesson in WHO’S IN CHARGE!

And this Italian gentleman apparently had his own version of THE LOOK!

OH, HEAVENS TO BETSY ROSS!!!

WE HAVE AN INTERNATIONAL STANDOFF!!!

I immediately started mentally calling upon every supernatural force I could think of.

Water Gods!

Shark Gods! 🦈

Pirate Gods! 🏴‍☠️

Poseidon!

King Neptune!

The Little Mermaid!

AQUAMAN!!!

SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!

Is there a bar nearby?!

Can somebody bring me a DOUBLE?!

Because I am NOT emotionally equipped to witness my mother enter into an international turf war over a GOLF CART!!!

I briefly considered jumping straight into the Caribbean Sea.

Maybe I’d turn into a mermaid.

Maybe I’d become a beautiful water goddess.

Maybe I’d swim away and live peacefully among the dolphins.

Or maybe I’d just go ahead and check SWIMMING WITH SHARKS WITHOUT A CAGE off my bucket list!

But could somebody PLEASE throw me a bottle of Caribbean rum before I jump?!

I don’t want to meet the sharks completely sober!!! 🍹🦈🤣

😈 AND THEN DR. EVIL ENTERED THE CHAT!

Now, you would THINK Janeto versus the Italian gentleman would be enough excitement for one morning.

BUT NOOOOOOO!

Because who else is involved?!

TERRY!!!

Y’ALL KNOW TERRY!

The man who can make the funniest Dr. Evil face you’ve EVER seen!

He can turn an ordinary family photograph into a scene from an Austin Powers movie with ONE eyebrow movement!

But here’s something else about Terry.

He can also make a MEAN FACE.

A REAL MEAN FACE!

The kind that makes you wonder whether he’s about to tell a joke or repossess your entire house!

So now we’ve got:

JANETO: Giving the Southern Alabama EVIL EYE! 😈

TERRY: Giving the DR. EVIL DEATH STARE! 😈

THE ITALIAN GENTLEMAN: Throwing his hands toward the heavens and expressing his displeasure in what I can only assume was VERY COLORFUL ITALIAN! 🇮🇹🤌

And ME?!

I’M LOOKING FOR AN EXIT STRATEGY!!!

I swear I could practically hear the theme music from The Godfather playing somewhere in the distance!

I started wondering whether this Italian gentleman had the MOB on speed dial!

Was somebody named Tony waiting around the corner?!

Was there a black SUV nearby?!

Was I about to wake up tomorrow with a horse’s head in my bed?!

I DON’T KNOW HOW THESE THINGS WORK, PEOPLE!!!

I JUST WATCH MOVIES!!! 🤣🤣🤣

And at this point, I made a very important executive decision.

I AM NOT GETTING ON THAT GOLF CART!!!

NO, MA’AM!

NO, SIR!

NOT TODAY!

I have TWO perfectly functioning feet, and I intend to KEEP BOTH OF THEM!

I will walk all 58,954 miles to those beautiful colored buildings if I have to!

I am NOT about to become collateral damage in the Great Curaçao Golf Cart War of 2026!

And I certainly don’t want to come home an ORPHAN!

I already had a near-orphan experience in the Windjammer when I couldn’t find my family!

I cannot go through that emotional trauma AGAIN!

Maybe I need to get one of those tracking chips implanted in my body.

Or an Apple AirTag!

YES!!!

An Apple AirTag attached to my clothing!

That way, if I disappear somewhere in the Caribbean, somebody can pull up an app and locate me!

“Well, there she is! Christy’s floating somewhere between Curaçao and Venezuela with a bottle of rum!”

SEE?!

I’M THINKING OUTSIDE THE BOX HERE!!! 😂

🛺 THE GOLF CART THAT COULDN’T ESCAPE!

Now, back to the scene of the crime.

Janeto and Denise have managed to get themselves seated on the VERY BACK of the golf cart.

And they’re trying to get Terry on there with them.

THREE PEOPLE.

ONE LITTLE BACK SEAT.

IT AIN’T HAPPENING!!!

Meanwhile, the Italians are ALSO trying to get on!

Everybody is moving.

Everybody is talking.

Everybody is gesturing.

Nobody is listening.

And that poor, sweet golf cart driver is just trying to DO HIS JOB!!!

BLESS HIS HEART!!!

I could practically hear his thoughts.

“PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS CARIBBEAN, JUST GET ON THE CART SO I CAN DRIVE AWAY!!!”

He starts moving.

HE STOPS!

He starts again.

HE STOPS!

He moves forward.

HE STOPS AGAIN!

GO!

STOP!

GO!

STOP!

This poor man was driving that golf cart like somebody learning to operate a stick shift in downtown Atlanta during rush hour!

I was waiting for somebody to fall off the back!

Somebody was going to lose a sandal!

Somebody was going to hit their head!

Somebody was going to need an AMBULANCE!

And then the PORT POLICIA would arrive! 🚨🚔

And there we’d be.

Standing in Curaçao explaining to law enforcement that an international disturbance began because a bunch of Americans and Italians couldn’t figure out how to share a GOLF CART!

Can you IMAGINE the police report?!

INCIDENT REPORT:

Location: Curaçao Cruise Port.

Suspects: Several loud Southern Americans and an equally enthusiastic group of Italian tourists.

Weapon involved: TWO EVIL EYES and excessive hand gestures.

Cause of disturbance: SEATING ARRANGEMENTS ON A GOLF CART.

Alcohol involved: We decline to comment on the pineapple mimosas.

Witness statement: “I JUST WANTED TO GET TO THE PRETTY BRIDGE!!!”

🤣🤣🤣

🚨 AND LITTLE DID WE KNOW… THERE WAS ANOTHER POLICIA ADVENTURE BREWING!

Now, let me tell y’all something that makes this story EVEN BETTER.

My sister Jessica and her husband Dustin weren’t even WITH us during this little international showdown!

They had decided to spend their anniversary swimming with sea turtles.

HOW ROMANTIC! 🐢❤️

A beautiful anniversary excursion!

Just the two of them!

Swimming with turtles!

Enjoying paradise!

WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG?!

WELL…

We didn’t know it at the time, but those two would end up getting into an ILLEGAL TAXI and eventually being escorted back to the ship in a POLICIA CAR!!!

YES.

YOU READ THAT CORRECTLY.

A POLICE CAR!

And Dustin IS A POLICE OFFICER!

Apparently, that didn’t mean a whole lot to the Curaçao policia!

SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.

We’ve got Janeto and Terry nearly starting an international golf cart incident with the Italians…

And Jessica and Dustin are off on their romantic anniversary adventure that will eventually involve the POLICIA?!

WHAT KIND OF FAMILY VACATION IS THIS?!

ROYAL CARIBBEAN OR LAW & ORDER: CARIBBEAN SPECIAL VICTIMS UNIT?! 🚨🤣

I swear, we need our own television show!

We don’t even need SCRIPTWRITERS!

WE ARE THE SCRIPT!!!

🚶‍♀️ I CHOOSE LIFE… AND WALKING!

At this point, I decided I had witnessed enough.

I turned around and started WALKING.

BY MYSELF.

WITH MY OWN TWO FEET.

Toward those beautiful colored buildings and that lovely moving bridge!

I was going to enjoy Curaçao!

I was going to take pictures!

I was going to find a bar!

And I was NOT going to be interviewed by the Curaçao Port Policia about an altercation involving my mother, Terry, and the Italian delegation!

NOPE!

NOT THIS GIRL!

Dad, Ricky, and I eventually started wondering where everybody had gone.

Because…

WE COULDN’T FIND THEM!

OH, FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE!!!

WHERE IS THE GOLF CART?!

WHERE IS JANETO?!

WHERE IS TERRY?!

WHERE IS DENISE?!

WHERE ARE THE ITALIANS?!

Did the driver finally lose his patience and drive the whole bunch STRAIGHT INTO THE CARIBBEAN SEA?!

Was he somewhere floating around with Janeto still giving the evil eye and Terry making his Dr. Evil face?!

Were the Italians still throwing their hands in the air while swimming toward shore?!

I could just picture it!

Janeto yelling something in her best Southern Alabama voice!

Terry making the EVIL FACE!

The Italians yelling and waving their hands!

And the poor golf cart driver just sitting there thinking…

“I SHOULD HAVE CALLED IN SICK TODAY!”

🤣🤣🤣

I would have paid GOOD MONEY to have a hidden camera on that golf cart!

CAN YOU IMAGINE THE FOOTAGE?!

It would have gone VIRAL!

Millions of views!

International headlines!

Netflix would have called!

Hulu would have wanted the rights!

And TLC would have offered us a reality series called…

“THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF CURAÇAO: JANETO TAKES ON THE ITALIAN MOB!”

Except there would have been one small problem.

I might have ended up on some imaginary mafia watch list!

And been ORPHANED!

But HEY!

AT LEAST WE WOULD HAVE HAD VIDEO RECEIPTS!!! 📸🤣

And y’all know me.

I DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!

Pictures!

Videos!

Receipts!

If something happens, I want EVIDENCE!

Because when I tell these stories later, somebody ALWAYS says…

“That did NOT happen!”

OH, YES, IT DID!

AND HERE’S THE VIDEO!!!

Unfortunately, I missed what might have been the greatest golf cart footage in the HISTORY OF CARIBBEAN TOURISM!

🍹 THE MORAL OF THIS INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT

Well, everybody eventually made it to the beautiful bridge, and as far as I know, nobody ended up in the Caribbean Sea.

Nobody lost a limb.

Nobody got arrested over the golf cart.

And I didn’t have to contact the American Embassy to negotiate the release of Janeto and Dr. Evil.

PRAISE BABY JESUS, THE WATER GODS, AND EVERYBODY ELSE INVOLVED!!! 🙌

Although, considering Jessica and Dustin’s anniversary excursion, the POLICIA were apparently still going to make an appearance in our family’s vacation story!

I swear, you cannot take us ANYWHERE!

We leave Alabama and Georgia hoping to enjoy a peaceful tropical vacation, and somehow we end up with international transportation disputes, police escorts, Italian hand gestures, and potential reality television contracts!

And to that sweet little Curaçao golf cart driver…

SIR, IF YOU’RE READING THIS…

I AM SO SORRY!!! 🤣

You deserve a raise.

A vacation.

A stiff drink.

And possibly a few therapy sessions!

I can only imagine what you told your family when you got home that evening.

“How was your day, honey?”

“WELL, LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT THESE PEOPLE FROM ALABAMA AND GEORGIA AND SOME ITALIANS…”

And there went the rest of his evening!

As for me, I’ve learned a very valuable travel lesson.

WHEN YOU SEE JANETO GIVING THE EVIL EYE, TERRY TURNING INTO DR. EVIL, AND AN ITALIAN MAN THROWING HIS HANDS TOWARD THE HEAVENS…

WALK AWAY!!!

Don’t ask questions.

Don’t make eye contact.

Don’t offer to help.

JUST WALK!!!

And preferably walk toward the nearest BAR! 🍹

Because sometimes the safest way to explore a Caribbean island is with your OWN TWO FEET and a pineapple mimosa waiting at the finish line!

And maybe an Apple AirTag.

Just in case.

HEAVENS TO BETSY ROSS!!! WHAT A VACATION!!! 🤣🤣🤣

Stay tuned, because the Turner Traveling Circus isn’t finished yet!

We’ve still got more stories, more questionable decisions, more photographic evidence, and apparently a growing collection of encounters with international law enforcement!

And remember…

BAD MISTAKES MAKE GREAT MEMORIES!

And in our family, apparently they also make GREAT POLICE REPORTS! 🚨🤣

Carpe Diem, y’all! 🥂🍍🇨🇼

Love, laughter, and a whole lot of Southern chaos!

— CiCi Lee 💋