✈️ HALLELUJAH! WE MADE IT ON THE PLANE! BUT THE JANETO AIRPORT POLICIA ALMOST GOT ARRESTED! 🧛‍♂️🚨🤣

The Freedom of the Seas Aftermath: Halloween Edition 🎃🦄✈️🍹

Y’ALL!!!!!!! WE MADE IT ON THE FREAKIN’ PLANE!!!!!!! ✈️🤣🙌

HALLELUJAH!!!! PRAISE BABY JESUS, BUDDHA, THE COMEDY GODS, THE UNIVERSAL GODS, THE TRAVEL GODS, THE UNICORNS 🦄, THE LEPRECHAUNS 🍀, THE TOOTH FAIRY, SANTA CLAUS, THE EASTER BUNNY, AND EVERY OTHER SUPERNATURAL BEING THAT HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH GETTING THIS CIRCUS ON AN AIRPLANE!!!! 😂😂😂

WE ARE ON THE PLANE!!!!

Now, before anybody starts celebrating too hard, let me clarify something.

WE HAVE NOT LEFT THE RUNWAY YET!!!! 🤣🤣🤣

And considering the events of the last TEN DAYS, I am NOT counting my chickens, my luggage, my family members, or my pineapple mimosas until these wheels touch down in Alabama!!!

Because with THIS FAMILY, anything can happen between Miami and home!

A perfectly normal flight could turn into an episode of Airplane!, National Lampoon’s Vacation, Cops, and The Twilight Zone before the beverage cart even makes it down the aisle!!! 😂

Now, let me tell y’all about JANETO!!!! 🤦‍♀️🤣

First of all, it’s HALLOWEEN! 🎃👻

And apparently, our male flight attendant decided to dress up like DRACULA!!! 🧛‍♂️

Yes, people. We have a VAMPIRE directing traffic onto the airplane!

And here comes my mother, JANETO, who has spent the last ten days acting as the OFFICIAL ROYAL CARIBBEAN ROOM RULE ENFORCEMENT OFFICER, SHIP POLICIA, SCHEDULE CONDUCTOR, AND CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER OF EVERYBODY ELSE’S BUSINESS! 🚨🤣

This is the same woman who was ready to evacuate the cruise ship herself because we weren’t out of our rooms by EXACTLY 8:00 A.M.!!!

ROOM RULES, PEOPLE!!!! ROOM RULES!!!!

But apparently, those rules only apply when SHE is the one enforcing them!!!

Because today, JANETO decided she was going ROGUE!!!! 😂😂😂

She spotted an opportunity to slip right past DRACULA like a sneaky little fox! 🦊

I could practically hear the Mission: Impossible theme song playing in her head!

🎶 DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN 🎶

There she goes!!!

JANETO THE STEALTH NINJA!!!!

Moving in for the kill!!!

Thinking she’s invisible!!!

Thinking she’s got this whole airport operation figured out!!!

BUT WAIT!!!!

DRACULA WASN’T HAVING IT!!!! 🧛‍♂️🚨

He stopped her REAL FAST, QUICK, AND IN A HURRY!!!!

HALT, WOMAN!!!! NOT SO FAST!!!! 🤣🤣🤣

And the LOOK ON HER FACE!!!!

Y’ALL!!!!

It was that exact look of somebody who just got caught sneaking out of the house at sixteen!

Like…

“CRAP!!!! 💩 I THOUGHT I WAS GETTING AWAY WITH THAT!!!!”

Well, apparently Dracula had been around the airport block a few times himself because HE was a sly little fox too!!!! 🦊🧛‍♂️

NOT TODAY, JANETO!!!!

NOT ON DRACULA’S WATCH!!!!

I nearly lost what little bit of composure I had left!!!

And believe me, after ten days with this crew, my composure packed its bags and left somewhere around ARUBA!!!! 🤣🤣🤣

BUT WAIT!!!! THERE’S MORE!!!!

Because apparently, boarding this airplane in Miami required us to participate in some kind of Olympic obstacle course!!!

We had to WALK OUTSIDE!!!!

IN MIAMI!!!!

IN THE HEAT!!!!

AND CLIMB WHAT FELT LIKE 47 WINDING STAIRCASES TO GET ON THIS PLANE!!!! 🥵✈️

I was looking around for the Sherpas from Mount Everest!!!

WHERE ARE THE OXYGEN TANKS????

WHERE IS THE CHAIRLIFT????

WHERE IS THE ELEVATOR????

AND WHY ARE WE CLIMBING A MOUNTAIN TO GET ON A FREAKIN’ AIRPLANE???? 🤣

And poor JANETO!!!!

Y’ALL, I THOUGHT SHE WAS ABOUT TO PASS OUT RIGHT THERE ON THOSE STAIRS!!!!

I was already mentally preparing my emergency statement for the Miami Fire Department!!!

“YES, OFFICER! WE JUST GOT OFF A CRUISE SHIP! NO, WE ARE NOT DRUG MULES! YES, WE HAVE ALREADY BEEN QUESTIONED BY IMMIGRATION! NO, WE DO NOT NEED ANOTHER POLICE ESCORT! AND YES, THAT’S MY MOTHER! SHE’S THE ONE WHO TRIED TO SNEAK PAST DRACULA!” 🚨🤣🤣🤣

I could just see the Miami POLICIA pulling up AGAIN!!!!

OH, LORT!!!!

NOT ANOTHER EMERGENCY!!!!

We’ve already had a diamond ring heist, an illegal taxi adventure in Curaçao, a police car ride, an immigration holding room, and enough suspicious activity to qualify for our own Netflix documentary!!!!

I AM NOT GOING BACK INTO ANOTHER HOLDING ROOM!!!!

I DON’T CARE IF DRACULA HIMSELF IS RUNNING THE INVESTIGATION!!!! 🧛‍♂️🤣

HEAVENS TO BETSY ROSS!!!!

AND CHARLIE BROWN!!!!

AND SARAH JESSICA PARKER!!!!

AND EVERYBODY ON SEX AND THE CITY!!!!

CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE GET ME A DRINK????? 🍹🍷

FLIGHT ATTENDANT!!!!

DRACULA!!!!

COUNT CHOCULA!!!!

WHOEVER IS IN CHARGE OF THE BEVERAGE CART!!!!

I NEED A PINEAPPLE MIMOSA, A GLASS OF CABERNET, OR SOMETHING THAT COMES WITH A LITTLE UMBRELLA!!!!

AND MAKE IT A DOUBLE DOSE OF PATIENCE!!!! 😂😂😂

At this point, I’m pretty sure the entire airline crew is going to need therapy after transporting this Alabama and Georgia traveling circus!!!

I can just imagine the pilot coming over the intercom:

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome aboard. We’d like to remind everyone to fasten their seatbelts, remain seated, and PLEASE keep an eye on the little lady named Janeto. She has already attempted to bypass security personnel dressed as a vampire.” 🤣🤣🤣

And I’m sitting here thinking…

We survived the Caribbean.

We survived Aruba.

We survived Curaçao.

We survived the Windjammer.

We survived the diamond heist.

We survived the Miami immigration POLICIA.

We survived the Miami heat that was hotter than 5,000 HELLS!!!!

AND NOW WE’VE SURVIVED JANETO VS. DRACULA!!!! 🧛‍♂️🦊

I swear, you couldn’t MAKE THIS STUFF UP!!!!

Hollywood doesn’t have writers creative enough to invent the things that happen to this family!!!!

And if they ever make a movie about us, I want SANDRA BULLOCK playing ME because she’s going to need to be able to laugh, cry, scream, drink wine, and look completely confused all in the same scene!!!! 😂🍷

WELL, HERE WE GO, PEOPLE!!!!

THE PLANE IS MOVING!!!!

WE ARE ACTUALLY TAKING OFF!!!! 🛫🙌

EVERYBODY SAY A LITTLE PRAYER!!!!

I’m buckled in, my family is accounted for, Janeto has temporarily surrendered her position as Chief of the Rule Policia, and Dracula has successfully prevented a Halloween jailbreak!!!!

For the love of everything holy, PLEASE let this be an uneventful flight!!!!

Although, knowing us, I wouldn’t bet a single cubic zirconia on THAT!!!! 💎🤣

And Denise, before you ask, NO, IT IS STILL NOT A HIGH-QUALITY DIAMOND!!!! 😂😂😂

TO BE CONTINUED…

Because we haven’t landed yet, and with this family, THE FAT LADY AIN’T SANG, THE VAMPIRE AIN’T GONE BACK TO HIS COFFIN, AND JANETO AIN’T FINISHED ENFORCING RULES!!!! 🤣🤣🤣

HAPPY HALLOWEEN, Y’ALL!!!! 🎃👻🧛‍♂️

CARPE DIEM! YOLO! AND FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE, KEEP JANETO AWAY FROM THE COCKPIT!!!! ✈️🍹😂

#ChristyUnfiltered #FreedomOfTheSeas #JanetoAndThePolicia #HalloweenFlight #DraculaVsJaneto #CruiseChronicles #FamilyVacationChaos #HeavensToBetsyRoss #YouCantMakeThisStuffUp #AlabamaBound #CarpeDiem