What’s the worst travel experience you’ve ever had?
🌴🤮 BONAIRE, BARF BAGS & SPEED RACER: MY VACATION FROM HELL! 🚐🏎️💨
The Worst Travel Experience I’ve Ever Had — A Christy Travel Disaster! 😂🍹
Well, heavens to Betsy Ross!!! Where do I even begin with this one?! 🤦♀️😂
If you know me, you KNOW I love to travel! Give me a beautiful island, crystal-clear turquoise water, white sandy beaches, a tropical cocktail with a little umbrella, and I’m happier than a seagull at a beach picnic! 🍹🏝️
But let me tell you something, my friends. Sometimes paradise turns into a living NIGHTMARE, and I’m not talking about losing your luggage or forgetting your sunscreen!
I’m talking about a migraine, a 15-passenger van, a driver who apparently thought he was auditioning for NASCAR, and ME throwing up all over the beautiful island of Bonaire! 🤮😂
Welcome to Christy’s Caribbean Catastrophe!
Let me set the scene.
We were on a Royal Caribbean cruise with my parents and a big group of people on an Alkota work trip. Now, I had NEVER been to Bonaire before, and I was beyond excited!
Of course, being the little travel investigator that I am, I had already interviewed several bartenders on the ship about where to go, what beaches to visit, and what we absolutely HAD to see while we were there.
Because, naturally, who better to ask about an island than a bartender?! 🍹😂
I had practically appointed myself the unofficial Bonaire Cruise Director! I had talked this island up so much that everyone was ready to follow Christy Columbus on her next great Caribbean expedition!
What could possibly go wrong?!
OH, JUST ABOUT EVERYTHING!!!
The morning we arrived in Bonaire, I woke up with one of my absolutely HORRIBLE migraines.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!
Of ALL the days for my brain to decide to throw a temper tantrum, it picks BONAIRE?!
Not a sea day. Not a day when I could stay in my cabin. NOPE! The ONE day I had practically organized a small international expedition!
But I’m a tough girl! I’m stubborn, hardheaded, and determined to have a good time even if my head feels like somebody is operating a jackhammer inside my skull!
So, I told myself, “Christy, you’re going to tough this out! You’re in the Caribbean, for heaven’s sake!”
FAMOUS. LAST. WORDS. 😂
We gathered our big group, hired a tour guide with a 15-passenger van, and headed off to explore Bonaire!
Now, I don’t know where this man learned to drive, but I’m pretty sure his previous employment involved the Talladega Superspeedway, the Indianapolis 500, or delivering pizzas in under three minutes! 🏎️💨
SPEED RACER WAS IN THE BUILDING!!!
This man was taking curves like we were in the final lap of the Daytona 500!
Left turn! RIGHT TURN! Another curve! Around another corner!
Meanwhile, I’m sitting in that van trying to keep my eyeballs from popping out of my head and my breakfast from making a surprise appearance!
I’m gripping whatever I can find, praying to the good Lord above, and thinking…
“PLEASE DON’T LET ME THROW UP IN THIS VAN!”
Because let’s think about this for a minute.
Fifteen people. One enclosed vehicle. Caribbean heat. One violently nauseated Christy.
If I started throwing up, we were going to have a chain reaction that would make a scene from The Exorcist look like a Disney movie!
I could already imagine the headlines:
“AMERICAN TOUR GROUP EVACUATED AFTER MASS VOMITING INCIDENT IN BONAIRE!” 🤮🤣
Heavens to Betsy Ross! I was trying to hold myself together with every ounce of dignity I had left!
FINALLY, Speed Racer pulled up to our beach destination.
And OH. MY. GOODNESS.
THE BEACH!!!
Now, when I say this beach was crowded, I don’t mean there were a few extra tourists enjoying the sunshine.
I mean it looked like somebody had emptied EVERY cruise ship in the Caribbean onto ONE tiny stretch of sand!
There were beach chairs EVERYWHERE!
People packed together like sardines in a can!
You couldn’t put your foot down without stepping on somebody’s towel, flip-flop, beach bag, or possibly their grandmother!
I thought, “Well, isn’t this just LOVELY?!”
But before I could even begin complaining about our sardine accommodations, my stomach made an executive decision.
EMERGENCY EVACUATION!!! 🚨🤮
The SECOND that van door opened, I jumped out like my life depended on it!
Forget the beach! Forget the ocean! Forget the tropical cocktails!
I needed a BUILDING! A WALL! A BUSH! SOMETHING!!!
And there I was, on the beautiful island of Bonaire, bent over beside a building, throwing up like a college freshman after her first sorority party!
SO CLASSY, CHRISTY! SO VERY CLASSY! 😂
And all I could think was…
“CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE HOLD MY HAIR?!”
I mean, REALLY!
Where were my sorority sisters when I needed them?!
Where was that sweet friend who holds your hair, rubs your back, and tells you you’re going to be okay while secretly wondering how many margaritas you’ve had?!
NOPE!
Just me, myself, and my dignity leaving my body somewhere behind that building!
And the WORST part?!
Anybody walking by probably thought I had been drinking since 7:00 that morning!
I wanted to stand up and announce to the entire island:
“I PROMISE I’M NOT DRUNK! IT’S A MIGRAINE! I HAVEN’T EVEN HAD MY FIRST COCKTAIL!!!” 🍹🤣
Which, quite frankly, was another tragedy all by itself!
Eventually, I managed to drag myself over to our little section of sardine beach chairs.
I thought, “Okay, Christy. You’ve gotten sick. Maybe that’s the end of it. Now you can relax, enjoy the ocean, and salvage what’s left of this beautiful day.”
WRONG AGAIN, SISTER!!!
My stomach apparently had other plans!
There I went AGAIN!
Back to my little designated vomiting station!
I had officially claimed a piece of Bonaire real estate, and it wasn’t beachfront property!
It was my very own HOLE IN THE SAND! 🤮🏝️
At this point, I was making more trips between my beach chair and that building than a bartender makes between the bar and the ice machine!
Back and forth.
Back and forth.
I wasn’t sightseeing. I was SITE-SICKING!!! 😂
Everybody else was enjoying the beautiful Caribbean sunshine, turquoise water, and island atmosphere.
And there was Christy, looking like an extra from The Walking Dead, trying to survive the afternoon!
So much for my fabulous Bonaire beach adventure!
Eventually, it was time to leave.
HALLELUJAH!!!
Except there was one teeny-tiny problem.
SPEED RACER WAS COMING BACK TO GET US!!! 🏎️💨
OH, HEAVENS TO BETSY ROSS!!!
I had completely forgotten that I had to get BACK into that 15-passenger roller coaster of DEATH!
I wanted to ask the driver, “Sir, is there any possible way we could take the scenic route? Maybe drive like we’re transporting a wedding cake? Or perhaps a 100-year-old grandmother holding a full cup of hot coffee?!”
But NOOOOO!
We were apparently back in the NASCAR championship!
Around the curves we went!
LEFT! RIGHT! LEFT AGAIN!
I swear that van was leaning so hard into those turns I thought we were going to need a pit crew and four new tires!
My head was pounding, my stomach was churning, and I was sitting there trying to make peace with the Lord!
I wasn’t worried about making it back to the ship on time anymore.
I was worried about making it back with all my internal organs still in their original positions!
FINALLY, we arrived back at the port where all the shops were.
All I wanted in the entire world was three things:
- A BIG bottle of ICE-COLD water! 💧
- A COOL, DARK ROOM! 🛏️
- FOR EVERYBODY TO LEAVE ME ALONE!!! 😂
I didn’t want to shop!
I didn’t want a souvenir!
I didn’t want a T-shirt that said “I LOVE BONAIRE!”
At that moment, the only shirt I deserved said:
“I WENT TO BONAIRE AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS STUPID MIGRAINE AND A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH A BUILDING!” 🤮🤣
And wouldn’t you know it…
The van door opened.
I stepped out.
AND HERE WE GO AGAIN!!!
ROUND THREE! OR FOUR! OR TWELVE! WHO WAS EVEN COUNTING AT THIS POINT?!
There I was, once again, throwing up in paradise!
I had officially become a traveling Caribbean fountain, and not the pretty kind you see in a resort courtyard!
At this point, I was convinced that if somebody handed me a margarita, I’d probably throw up just looking at the lime!
AND THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS WHEN YOU KNOW THINGS ARE SERIOUS!!! 🍹😂
I couldn’t WAIT to get back onto that beautiful Royal Caribbean ship!
Forget the casino!
Forget the pool deck!
Forget the cocktails!
Forget dinner!
I wanted my cabin, a hot shower, my bed, and complete darkness!
I needed to be tucked away like a vampire avoiding daylight!
And when I finally made it back to my room, I don’t think a bed had EVER looked so beautiful in my entire life!
HOME SWEET FLOATING HOME!!! 🚢❤️
So, needless to say, my first visit to Bonaire did NOT turn out exactly as I had planned.
I had envisioned a fabulous tropical paradise filled with breathtaking beaches, beautiful scenery, exotic drinks, and unforgettable memories.
Well, I definitely got the unforgettable memories!
Just not the ones I had ordered! 😂
Instead of exploring the island, I explored every possible location where a person could discreetly throw up!
Instead of enjoying a tropical cocktail, I was desperately searching for bottled water!
And instead of taking beautiful beach pictures, I was trying to keep my head attached to my shoulders!
But you know what?!
I STILL WANT TO GO BACK TO BONAIRE! 🌴💙
Because I’m not letting one migraine, one overcrowded beach, and one wannabe NASCAR driver ruin an entire island for me!
Bonaire deserves a second chance!
Next time, I’m hoping for a beautiful, relaxing beach, calm transportation, a perfectly functioning brain, and a tropical cocktail in my hand instead of my head in a bush!
And maybe, JUST MAYBE, I’ll find a beach chair with enough room around it to actually move my elbows!
Until then, I have officially added another chapter to The Adventures of Christy: Places I’ve Been, Things I’ve Seen, and Places I’ve Thrown Up! 🤣
MORAL OF THE STORY:
Travel doesn’t always go according to plan. Sometimes you get the perfect beach day, and sometimes you get Speed Racer, a migraine from Hades, and a personal vomiting station in the Caribbean!
But hey, the best travel stories aren’t always about the beautiful places you’ve visited.
Sometimes they’re about surviving the trip long enough to laugh about it later!
And believe me, THIS ONE is going down in the Christy Travel Hall of Fame!
YOLO! CARPE DIEM! JUST DON’T FORGET THE BARF BAG!!! 🌴🚢🤮😂
Love,
Christy — Your Caribbean Cruise Director, Professional Beach Explorer & Unofficial Bonaire Barf Queen! 👑🍹🤣
#ChristyUnfiltered #ChristyTravelAdventures #Bonaire #CruiseLife #RoyalCaribbean #TravelDisasters #VacationGoneWrong #MigraineMisadventures #SpeedRacer #HeavensToBetsyRoss #YOLO #CarpeDiem #MakingMemories #LifeWithChristy
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