🍹 THE PAINKILLER®:

When a Casino Cocktail Became the Pussy Painkiller! 😂🍍

The Adventures of Christy, Denise & Debbie Aboard Royal Caribbean’s Freedom of the Seas! 🚢🍹🎰

Heavens to Betsy Ross! You cannot take us anywhere! 😂

Now, before anyone gets their panties in a wad over the title of this blog, let me explain how three grown women aboard Royal Caribbean’s Freedom of the Seas managed to turn an innocent cocktail into something that probably should NEVER be said out loud in a public establishment! 🤣

It all started with what Denise and I thought was a BRILLIANT idea.

We were sitting in the casino, enjoying ourselves, when we decided that instead of ordering our usual cocktails, we were going to conduct a little scientific experiment.

And by scientific, I mean absolutely NO science whatsoever. Just two grown women, a casino drink menu, and enough curiosity to make our mothers question how they raised us.

THE MISSION: Start at the TOP of the casino cocktail menu and work our way to the BOTTOM! 🍹

Every. Single. Drink.

No skipping. No substitutions. No whining.

If it was on the menu, we were trying it!

Didn’t like an ingredient? TOO BAD!

Didn’t recognize the liquor? EVEN BETTER!

Thought the drink sounded like something you’d use to clean a boat motor? ORDER IT!

And here’s the BEST PART!

ALL THE BARTENDERS KNEW WHAT WE WERE DOING! 🤣🍹

Oh, YES! We had informed the bartenders of our little cocktail expedition, and they knew exactly what our mission was!

We weren’t just randomly ordering drinks. We were working our way through that menu like two determined scientists conducting highly important research for the betterment of humanity!

By this point, I’m pretty sure the bartenders knew we were coming and probably wondered what kind of nonsense we’d get ourselves into next!

I can only imagine them looking at us and thinking, “Here come those two women again. Wonder what number they’re on now?”

And naturally, we took our assignment VERY seriously!

After all, we had a menu to conquer, cocktails to evaluate, and absolutely NO professional qualifications whatsoever!

Royal Caribbean should’ve given us honorary degrees in Cocktail Research and Development! 😂

Now, Denise and I had already established the rules when we came across one cocktail containing ginger beer.

Denise immediately announced, “I’m NOT drinking that!”

Oh, YES, MA’AM, YOU ARE!

I reminded her that we had a binding verbal agreement. We were committed to this ridiculous mission, and there would be NO QUITTERS aboard this ship!

Well, wouldn’t you know it?

SHE LOVED IT! 😂

See, Denise? Sometimes you just have to trust the process. Even when the process involves questionable ingredients and two women who probably shouldn’t be allowed to make decisions after cocktail number three.

And then…

WE ARRIVED AT THE PAINKILLER®. 🍍🥥

Sounds innocent enough, doesn’t it?

A nice tropical cocktail. Something you might sip while lounging on a Caribbean beach, listening to steel drums and pretending you don’t have a single responsibility waiting for you back home.

But OH, NO!

This particular cocktail had an ingredient that would send our entire evening straight into the gutter.

PUSSER’S NAVY RUM.

Now, I don’t know who named this rum, but they clearly did NOT take into consideration what would happen when two women with the maturity level of seventh-grade boys tried to pronounce it after sampling half the casino cocktail menu!

Denise and I were staring at the menu.

“Pusser’s?”

“Puss-ers?”

“Pussy?”

And THAT WAS IT!

We LOST IT! 🤣🤣🤣

I’m talking uncontrollable giggling. The kind where you try to stop laughing, but every time you look at the other person, you start all over again!

We were acting like two teenage girls who had just discovered a dirty word in the dictionary!

Meanwhile, our friend Debbie was there with us, witnessing this entire educational experience unfold.

And apparently, we had an AUDIENCE!

Because when I turned around, there was a man sitting behind us at a slot machine, laughing his head off!

He had heard EVERY WORD!

Well, that just made matters WORSE!

Now I couldn’t even look at Denise without laughing!

And somewhere between the rum, the giggling, and the poor man behind us getting a free comedy show, I officially renamed the cocktail.

THE PUSSY PAINKILLER! 🍹😂

Oh, sweet baby Jesus!

I don’t know if the casino has ever had a cocktail renamed quite like that, but I felt like I had made a significant contribution to Royal Caribbean’s beverage program.

And THEN…

I had another BRILLIANT idea!

I looked at Denise and said, “I DARE you to video me going back up to the bar and ordering another one!”

Except this time, I wasn’t going to call it The Painkiller.

OH, NO!

I was going to walk right up to that bartender, look him straight in the eyes, and say…

“Excuse me, sir. Could I please have another PUSSY PAINKILLER?” 🤣🤣🤣

WELL!

Denise SPIT HER DRINK OUT ALL OVER THE SLOT MACHINE!

I mean, she absolutely LOST IT!

Forget hitting the jackpot! That machine had just received a complimentary cocktail shower!

I thought we were going to have to call casino maintenance, housekeeping, and possibly a priest!

And the man behind us?

I’m pretty sure he was getting more entertainment from us than he was from whatever machine he was playing!

Of course, Denise REFUSED to participate in my little video production.

She declined the dare!

Can you BELIEVE that?!

After ALL we’d been through together, she suddenly decided she wanted to be a responsible adult!

RUDE!

But then I started thinking…

Could I REALLY walk up to that bar and order a Pussy Painkiller with a straight face?

ABSOLUTELY NOT!

I would’ve gotten halfway through the word “Pussy” and folded over laughing like a lawn chair in a hurricane!

And remember, THE BARTENDERS ALREADY KNEW ABOUT OUR COCKTAIL MENU CHALLENGE!

So, can you IMAGINE one of them seeing me walk back up to the bar AGAIN?!

They probably would’ve thought, “Good Lord! What have these women gotten into NOW?”

The bartender would’ve probably looked at me and said, “Ma’am, I believe you’ve had enough.”

And I would’ve replied, “SIR, WE HAVE A MENU TO FINISH! THIS IS A VERY IMPORTANT RESEARCH PROJECT!”

😂😂😂

Now, let me clarify something.

We weren’t causing trouble. We weren’t fighting. We weren’t bothering anybody.

We were simply three grown women enjoying a cruise, making memories, and proving that AGE DOES NOT NECESSARILY BRING MATURITY!

Especially when you mix a casino, tropical cocktails, and a liquor called Pusser’s Navy Rum!

And somewhere aboard the Freedom of the Seas, there is probably a man who went back to his cabin that evening and told his wife…

“Honey, you will NOT believe what these women were talking about at the slot machines tonight!”

And honestly?

I hope we made his night! 😂

Because THAT is what makes traveling with friends so much fun!

It’s not always about the destinations, the excursions, the fancy dinners, or even the beautiful Caribbean water.

Sometimes, it’s about sitting in a casino with your girlfriends, laughing so hard your stomach hurts, and accidentally inventing a cocktail name that sounds like something you definitely wouldn’t want your grandmother ordering at Sunday brunch!

THE MORAL OF THIS STORY?

Life is short. Take the cruise. Order the cocktail. Laugh until you cry. Make ridiculous memories with your friends.

And if you ever find yourself aboard Royal Caribbean’s Freedom of the Seas, wandering into the casino and looking at the cocktail menu…

Try The Painkiller!

It’s a perfectly respectable tropical drink.

Just be VERY CAREFUL how you pronounce the rum! 🤣🍹

And to Denise and Debbie…

You know we’re going to have to finish that cocktail menu, don’t you?!

Because I don’t start projects I don’t intend to finish!

Well…MOST of the time! 😂

And to all those wonderful bartenders who knew exactly what we were up to…

THANK YOU FOR SUPPORTING OUR HIGHLY UNPROFESSIONAL, QUESTIONABLY EDUCATIONAL, AND ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS COCKTAIL RESEARCH! 🍹🤣

Heavens to Betsy Ross! You just can’t take us anywhere!

🍹🎰🚢😂

Christy, Unfiltered — Beautifully Unhinged, Hold My Drink!