If you could erase one event from history, what would it be?

If I Could Erase One Event From History… The Great Christy Friendship Disaster 😂🌪️🦈

If I could erase one event from history, what would it be?

Now, before everybody starts expecting me to say the sinking of the Titanic, some war, the invention of taxes, or whoever decided women needed to wear Spanx…

NOPE.

We aren’t talking about world history today.

We are talking about CHRISTY HISTORY.

And there is one particular historical event I would march myself straight back through time and erase faster than you can say:

HEAVENS TO BETSY ROSS IN THE REVOLUTIONARY WAR!!! 🇺🇸😂

I would go back to the exact day I met a certain female and scream at Past Christy:

ABORT MISSION!!! 🚨🚨🚨

Do NOT pass GO.

Do NOT collect $200.

Do NOT exchange phone numbers.

Do NOT accept a friend request.

Do NOT go to lunch.

Do NOT tell her your business.

And for the love of Betsy Ross and all 13 original colonies, DO NOT PUT THIS PERSON IN THE “TRUE FRIEND” CATEGORY!!!

Because apparently Past Christy was out there handing out friendship credentials without doing background checks.

Good grief, Charlie Brown. 🤦🏻‍♀️

This wasn’t a friendship.

This was a natural disaster with a cell phone.

The amount of havoc that entered my life afterward was somewhere between a tsunami, a Category 5 hurricane, a tornado ripping through Kansas, and the Tasmanian Devil after six Red Bulls.

🌪️🌊💥🌪️🌊💥

Dorothy would’ve looked at Toto and said:

“Nope. We’re staying in Oz.”

Even the Wicked Witch would’ve flown by on her broom, taken one look at the situation and said:

“Girl, I don’t want any part of THAT.”

And let’s not even get started on the standards, morals, loyalty and general qualifications required for the position of TRUE FRIEND.

Because apparently I forgot to conduct interviews.

I should’ve had an application.

References.

A background check.

A credit report.

Three character witnesses.

A psychological evaluation.

Possibly fingerprints.

And maybe a lie detector hooked up somewhere between appetizers and dessert.

Question #1: Are you loyal?

Machine starts smoking.

🚨🚨🚨

INTERVIEW OVER.

Instead, there I was just happily welcoming people into my life like:

“Come on in! Make yourself comfortable!”

Meanwhile, the universe was standing behind me waving BOTH arms screaming:

CHRISTY!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

But did I listen?

Absolutely not.

Because apparently some life lessons don’t arrive as gentle little whispers.

Mine arrive driving an 18-wheeler through the living room.

So if somebody handed me a time machine today, forget going back to see the dinosaurs.

Forget witnessing some famous historical event.

Forget meeting George Washington.

I’m finding Past Christy.

I’m grabbing her by the shoulders.

I’m looking her directly in the eyes.

And I’m saying:

“Listen to me carefully. We don’t have much time. I am your from the future. DO. NOT. BEFRIEND. HER.”

Past Christy would probably say:

“Why?”

And Future Christy would say:

“BECAUSE I DON’T HAVE FOUR HOURS TO EXPLAIN THIS MESS. JUST TRUST ME!!!”

😂😂😂

Although there is another option…

I could let Spirit Water handle the situation.

Spirit Water has been suspiciously quiet throughout this entire historical reenactment.

And THAT concerns me.

Because Spirit Water doesn’t believe in time machines.

Spirit Water believes in piers.

Long piers.

Over very deep water.

With excellent shark-viewing opportunities.

🦈🍷

Now, nobody is getting thrown anywhere because we’re respectable adults here.

But Spirit Water might casually suggest:

“Why don’t you walk allllllll the way down there to the end? The view is absolutely BEAUTIFUL. Don’t mind that fin.”

🦈

CHRISTY!!! GET SPIRIT WATER BACK IN THE HOUSE!!!

😂😂😂

But here’s the thing underneath all the insanity…

Would I really erase it?

There are days when my answer would be:

WHERE IS THE DELETE BUTTON?!

Because some people enter your life and leave behind lessons you would’ve preferred to learn through a nice inspirational quote on Pinterest.

But life doesn’t always work that way.

Sometimes people teach you what friendship isn’t.

They teach you boundaries.

They teach you to pay attention to actions instead of words.

They teach you that everybody who calls themselves your friend hasn’t earned the title.

They teach you to protect your peace.

And most importantly, they teach you that who you allow into your life matters just as much as who you remove from it.

So maybe I wouldn’t erase the lesson.

I’d just erase the length of time it took me to learn it.

Could we have wrapped that little educational experience up in about 15 minutes instead?

Thanks.

Because I do believe life has a way of sorting things out.

Call it karma.

Call it the universe.

Call it the stars aligning.

Call it divine timing.

Call it whatever you want.

Eventually, people tend to meet the consequences of the lives they choose to live.

And I don’t need to chase karma down the street yelling directions.

Karma has GPS.

She knows the address.

😂

My job is to keep moving forward.

Travel.

Laugh.

Love my family.

Love my fur babies.

Check things off that bucket list.

Protect my peace.

Stay away from human tornadoes.

And remember that every event in my life—the beautiful ones, the ridiculous ones, and even the Great Friendship Disaster of Christy History—helped shape the woman I am today.

Maybe some experiences make us softer.

Some make us stronger.

Some make us wiser.

And some make us say:

GOOD GRIEF, CHARLIE BROWN, WHAT IN THE HEAVENS-TO-BETSY-ROSS WAS I THINKING?!

😂😂😂

But I’m still here.

Still laughing.

Still living.

Still traveling.

Still checking off that bucket list.

And Spirit Water is still standing at the end of the pier with binoculars saying:

“Is that a great white? Because I’ve got an idea…”

SPIRIT WATER!!! GET BACK HERE!!! 🍷🦈😂

Some history deserves to be remembered.

Some history deserves to be learned from.

And some history deserves to be filed under:

“Well… I Won’t Be Doing THAT Again.”

Lesson learned.

Peace protected.

Friendship application updated.

Background checks now required.

Sharks remain innocent.

And as always…

CARPE DIEM! ✈️🌎🍷🦈

Because I’m not wasting the rest of my life trying to rewrite the past.

I’m too busy making damn sure the next chapters are a whole lot more fun to read. ❤️