What’s the best piece of advice you’ve ever received?

🐝 MIND YOUR OWN FREAKIN’ BEESWAX!!! 😂🍷

A Public Service Announcement From Christy & Spirit Water

What’s the best piece of advice I’ve ever received?

Oh, this one doesn’t require deep thought, meditation, a vision board, a therapist, a life coach, a TED Talk or Mercury coming out of retrograde.

It’s very simple:

MIND. YOUR. OWN. FREAKIN’. BUSINESS.

That’s it.

That’s the advice.

Write it down.

Put it on a Post-it.

Cross-stitch it on a pillow.

Tattoo it on your forehead BACKWARDS so you can read it every morning in the mirror.

MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS. 😂

Heavens to Betsy Ross in the Revolutionary War carrying a MUSKET!!! 🇺🇸

Why is this SO HARD for people?!

Some people know more about everybody else’s life than they know about their OWN.

They know who went where.

Who was with whom.

Who left with whom.

Who talked to whom.

Who liked whose Facebook post.

Who commented.

Who unfollowed.

Who followed them back.

What somebody ordered for dinner.

What time somebody left.

What car was in somebody’s driveway.

WHO CARES?!

Meanwhile, their own life is sitting in the corner on FIRE screaming,

“HELLOOOOO?! ANYBODY GOING TO HANDLE THIS?!” 🔥😂

Nope.

They’re too busy over there investigating why Christy boarded an airplane on a Tuesday.

BECAUSE I BOUGHT A FREAKIN’ TICKET, SHERLOCK. ✈️😂

Case closed.

But what REALLY sends me over the edge is that these people cannot even get the gossip RIGHT.

Listen.

If you’re going to dedicate this much unpaid labor to investigating my life, I expect ACCURACY.

I want dates.

Times.

Footnotes.

Sources.

A bibliography.

PowerPoint presentation.

And preferably refreshments because apparently we’re holding a congressional hearing about MY BUSINESS. 😂

Instead, somebody hears 10% of a story, misunderstands 70%, invents another 40%—which I realize is 120%, but apparently mathematics has also left the building—and suddenly there’s a completely new story circulating that even I didn’t know about.

I’ll hear something about myself and think:

“WAIT A MINUTE. I DID WHAT?! WITH WHO?! WHERE?! HEAVENS TO BETSY ROSS, WAS I AT LEAST WEARING SOMETHING CUTE?!” 😂😂😂

Because apparently I’m living TWO lives now.

The one I’m actually living…

…and the one y’all have written for me.

And I’m going to tell you something:

The fictional Christy is WILD.

I kind of want to meet her. 😂

She apparently has WAY more free time than I do.

At this point, I’m considering charging royalties.

If you’re going to write unauthorized biographies about me, I need a percentage of the sales.

And this is usually about the time I hear Spirit Water clearing her throat.

Oh Lord.

Here she comes.

🍷 SPIRIT WATER HAS ENTERED THE CHAT.

She’s standing there holding a glass of wine, wearing sunglasses indoors and looking entirely too calm.

That’s when you KNOW we have a problem.

She whispers:

“Christy…want me to handle it?”

ABSOLUTELY NOT.

The last time Spirit Water “handled it,” I had to explain that although I LOVE sharks, humans are generally not considered an acceptable feeding program. 🦈😂

Then she asks:

“Do they get the shark cage?”

NO.

That’s MY snack cage.

I paid good money for that bucket-list experience.

Spirit Water said:

“Fine. Overboard.”

MA’AM!!!

We cannot just start tossing nosey people into shark-infested waters!

Apparently there are laws.

Who knew?! 😂

So instead, we’re going to try something revolutionary.

We’re going to…

IGNORE THEM.

Because I have finally learned something in this life:

Happy people are usually too busy living their lives to obsess over yours.

They’re traveling.

They’re laughing.

They’re spending time with people they love.

They’re building something.

They’re chasing dreams.

They’re planning adventures.

They’re watering their own grass.

They don’t have binoculars pointed at YOUR yard wondering why your hydrangeas look suspicious. 😂

But miserable people?

Ohhhh, some of them have TIME.

They’ve got binoculars.

A clipboard.

A Facebook account.

Three group texts.

Two anonymous sources.

A cousin who “heard something.”

And absolutely NO factual information whatsoever.

😂😂😂

Honey…

PUT THE BINOCULARS DOWN AND WATER YOUR OWN GRASS.

Your yard is DYING.

And while you’re at it…

MIND YOUR OWN BEESWAX. 🐝

That phrase needs to make a comeback.

I want T-shirts.

Coffee mugs.

Wine glasses.

Yard signs.

Maybe even highway billboards:

**WELCOME TO ALABAMA.

MIND YOUR OWN BEESWAX.
HAVE A NICE DAY.**

😂😂😂

Because at this stage of my life, I simply do not have room for miserable people.

My seating capacity for drama is officially:

ZERO.

No waiting list.

No VIP section.

No standing room.

No season tickets.

No “but I just wanted to tell you what somebody said…”

NOPE.

EVENT CANCELLED.

The drama department has been permanently closed due to lack of interest.

Spirit Water purchased the building, bulldozed it, planted a vineyard and opened a tasting room. 🍷

Now THAT is redevelopment I can support.

I’m too busy living.

I’m traveling with my family.

I’m checking off my bucket list.

I’m going places.

I’m making memories.

I’m doing things that scare me.

I’m doing things that excite me.

I’m doing things people probably think are completely insane.

And that’s perfectly fine because…

IT’S MY LIFE.

Want to know what I’m doing?

I’ll save you the investigation.

I’m going to run with the bulls in Spain. 🇪🇸🐂

I’m getting into a cage in the ocean with GREAT WHITE SHARKS. 🦈

Yes, voluntarily.

Yes, I know they have teeth.

Yes, I know I’m basically lowering myself into the ocean like an appetizer.

And YES, I’m still going.

SNACK CAGE, PARTY OF ONE! 😂

I’m jumping out of a perfectly functioning airplane. 🪂

Which makes absolutely no sense whatsoever because if the airplane is working properly, WHY ARE WE LEAVING IT?!

But apparently Bucket-List Christy and Spirit Water made this decision without consulting Common-Sense Christy.

Common-Sense Christy apparently has been on vacation since approximately 1989. 😂

I’m climbing mountains. ⛰️

I’m seeing the world. 🌎

I’m walking streets I’ve never walked.

I’m eating amazing food.

I’m drinking fabulous wine.

I’m laughing until my stomach hurts.

I’m taking the pictures.

I’m making the memories.

I’m loving my family.

And somewhere along the way, I’m going to sit in some beautiful place with a glass of wine, look around and say:

“HEAVENS TO BETSY ROSS…LOOK WHAT I DID WITH MY LIFE.” 🍷❤️

THAT is what matters.

Not gossip.

Not rumors.

Not who likes you.

Not who doesn’t.

Not who approves.

Not who’s whispering.

Not who’s watching.

And certainly not somebody sitting three towns over conducting a forensic investigation into why you wore white shoes after Labor Day.

I DO NOT CARE.

I have reached the glorious stage of life where my Give-A-Care Department has experienced severe budget cuts.

Actually…

It has been completely defunded. 😂

The lights are off.

The doors are locked.

The employees have gone home.

Spirit Water is in the parking lot with the last bottle of Cabernet.

🍷😂

So if somebody doesn’t like how I’m living?

Okay.

If somebody thinks I should do something differently?

Wonderful.

If somebody has an opinion about where I travel, what I wear, what I buy, who I spend time with or what I choose to do?

Fantastic.

WRITE IT IN YOUR DIARY.

Because I am BUSY.

I have sharks to swim with.

Bulls to run from.

Planes to jump out of.

Mountains to climb.

Countries to visit.

Wine to drink.

Memories to make.

And a whole lot of life left to LIVE.

So here is my advice to everybody:

🐝 Mind your own beeswax.
🌱 Water your own grass.
🧹 Sweep your own porch.
🍷 Pour your own wine.
✈️ Book your own trip.
❤️ Find your own happiness.

And for the love of all things Betsy Ross…

STOP TRYING TO BE THE UNPAID DIRECTOR OF SOMEBODY ELSE’S LIFE!!!

You weren’t hired.

There was no interview.

The position does not exist.

And your application has been DENIED. 😂

You only get ONE LIFE.

ONE.

So why in the world would you waste yours talking about somebody else’s?

Go somewhere.

Do something ridiculous.

Take the trip.

Buy the shoes.

Wear the outfit.

Laugh too loud.

Run with the bulls.

Swim with the sharks.

Jump out of the plane.

Climb the mountain.

Drink the good wine.

Love your people.

Protect your peace.

Make memories that are actually worth gossiping about. 😏😂

And when somebody asks what you’re doing?

Smile and say:

“Living my life. You should try yours sometime.”

😂🍷

YOLO. CARPE DIEM.

Now excuse me.

Spirit Water and I have passports, a bucket list, questionable decision-making skills and absolutely NO TIME for foolishness.

And if you hear a wild story about us…

At least make it GOOD.

Add a yacht.

Put us in Monaco.

Give Spirit Water a fabulous dress.

Throw in a Great White.

And PLEASE…

GET MY OUTFIT RIGHT. 😂🍷🦈✈️🐂

Because if y’all are going to mind my business instead of your own…

the LEAST you can do is make me look fabulous while doing it. 😎🍷

Carpe Diem, Peeps.
Live YOUR life.
I’ll handle mine. ❤️