What is the best excuse you have heard lately?

The Best Excuse I’ve Heard Lately? Oh Honey… We Deserve Academy Awards.

I’ve heard every excuse known to mankind.

“I’ve got a headache.”

“My stomach’s been acting weird.”

“I think I’m coming down with something.”

“My dog looks emotionally unstable today.”

“My cat has separation anxiety.”

“I accidentally started cleaning my baseboards.”

Wait…that last one might actually be me.

Let’s be honest, Peeps…we’ve ALL done it.

Sometimes you don’t want to go to dinner.

Sometimes you don’t want to go to the party.

Sometimes you don’t want to put on a bra, fix your hair, find matching shoes, or pretend you’re interested in hearing about Karen’s nephew’s pickleball tournament for the 47th time.

Sometimes…you just want to stay home.

And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

I have absolutely used the migraine excuse before…because I really do get migraines. But there have also been days when my diagnosis was simply…

“People-itis.”

Symptoms include:

• Zero desire to socialize.
• An unhealthy relationship with my recliner.
• A full commitment to Netflix.
• Reading three chapters of a book.
• Talking to my cat like he’s my therapist.
• Ordering takeout because the kitchen is “closed for renovations”…which really means I don’t feel like cooking.

The older I get, the more I understand that protecting your peace is an Olympic sport.

When I was younger, I’d feel guilty for saying no.

Now?

If my couch and my fuzzy blanket start calling my name around 6:30 p.m., that’s where you’ll find me.

I’m unavailable.

Booked solid.

Prior engagement.

Can’t make it.

The engagement?

Me.

With snacks.

And absolutely no plans.

The funniest part is that our friends are just as bad as we are.

You can almost hear the gears turning when they answer the phone.

“Hey…I was going to come, but…”

Here it comes…

“My cousin’s neighbor’s hamster has a dental appointment.”

“My washer is making a weird noise.”

“I think Mercury is in retrograde.”

“I forgot I already had plans.”

Really? With who?

“My pajamas.”

Touché.

Honestly, I think we should all start writing these excuses down because they’re comedy gold.

One day we’re going to publish The Great Book of Adult Excuses and it’ll become a bestseller.

Chapter One:
“Sorry…I just don’t feel like people today.”

Honestly, that’s probably the most truthful excuse of them all.

Because life is exhausting.

Adulting is expensive.

People are…well…people.

Sometimes the greatest luxury in life isn’t a vacation to Greece or a cruise through the Caribbean.

Sometimes it’s cancelling plans, putting on your comfy clothes, pouring a glass of Spirit Water (you know the kind 🍷), ordering pizza, talking to your cat, and watching six episodes of the same show you’ve already seen seventeen times.

And you know what?

That’s self-care.

So the next time your friend gives you some wild excuse, don’t judge them.

Write it down.

Save it.

Because chances are…

You’ll be borrowing it next week.

Now if you’ll excuse me…

I think I hear my couch calling.

It’s an emergency.

Carpe Diem…right after this nap.